Dear China Eastern Airlines

Dear China Eastern Airlines,

I owe you an apology, and I can see from the expression on your face that you need an explanation, too. That seems fair.

I took one of your flights recently, and that’s where the trouble starts. You see, I didn’t actually make the booking, and by the time I realised on which airline I was scheduled to ‘fly’, it was too late to make any changes. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I may be slightly prejudiced when it comes to flying Plummet Airways.

I was so organised, so very well prepared, so efficient, that before I had even boarded the aircraft, I had composed an entire post in which I would describe the awfulness of the experience.

China Eastern Airlines, I was hasty, and I am sorry.

Things were much better than I had anticipated. To begin with, we were only an hour late in taking off, and that wasn’t really even your fault. After all, one can hardly hold you responsible for the manner in which your passengers behave, can one? By the time most of them had found their seats (by looking at every seat number, one at a time), sat down, got up again, stowed their sacks of vegetables by the emergency exit, sat down, got up, discussed where to sit, sat down, got up, etcetera etcetera, we were so far behind schedule that we were in danger of missing Christmas, never mind your runway slot. Oh, and I’m sorry for scratching the window in an attempt to get it open for some fresh air – the breath of my fellow passengers is no responsibility of yours.

When we did finally make it to the runway, I give full credit to your pilots for being able to get us into the air on the second attempt, despite the rattling of loose rivets around every window frame and the drag caused by not having closed the cargo hold doors properly. In a way, the reduced weight of the aircraft after we had shed most of the luggage actually made for a faster flight. I guess thanks are in order.

Unlike my previous experiences with your flights, I was not pointedly ignored by your entire cabin staff, and I was eventually able to gain the attention of one brave Air Doris, who lowered herself in the eyes of her colleagues and the other passengers by allowing me some food and coffee. I’m sorry that I can’t tell you her name, but for her actions I feel she has already been made to suffer enough public ridicule. And yes, for the sharp-eyed amongst you, I did say food and coffee. The food was far better than the inedible and very possibly near-lethal garbage bin leftovers that I have come to expect from your airline, as it was in fact a sandwich. The bread, at less than fourteen days of age, was very fresh for a Chinese culinary creation, and there was a filling that was relatively inoffensive and gave me only a slight case of botulism. And the coffee, too, was wonderful. I’m not going to go so far as to say that I could taste that it was coffee, but it’s a fact that I could taste that it wasn’t recycled green tea. I could also taste the water you used, but this is not automatically a bad thing – as the Chinese saying goes, “If it’s black, send it back. If it’s brown, drink it down”.

The flight itself was uneventful, once the pilots realised their mistake and turned us around to the correct heading. They even kindly warned us of the turbulent conditions ahead, a mere four minutes after the turbulent condition were behind us. And they botched the landing far less badly than is often the case. We didn’t even hit a single runway light, despite having one wheel on the grass verge.

So there you have it, China Eastern Airlines. I am forced to admit that my earlier article, in which I was critical of you, was premature. I apologise unreservedly, and have taken steps to ensure that it will never be published. Thank you for showing me that you have improved, and just between you and I, it’s delightful to witness the change.

China Eastern Airlines, you are now as good as all the other Chinese Airlines. Well done you.