Oh the fast pace of Shanghai life. So much has been happening these past (four?) months and I feel like I never get the chance to sit down and write one darn thing about ‘em. So I’m gonna venture back a few months and tell you about one of the funnest events I’ve experienced during my time here on the mainland – a Chinese wedding. Last year one of my fellow Furmanites was lucky enough to be invited to the wedding of his Chinese roommate’s cousin… and ever since, I have lived in envy. I made it my personal mission to be the one attending a wedding this year, befriending anyone I meet who claims they are in a serious relationship solely so I can bribe my way into being at their ceremony of sacred Chinese love.
I don’t know why exactly I wanted to go to a wedding so badly. You’d think I’d be more eager to celebrate the 60th Chinese National Holiday or the upcoming 2010 Shanghai World Expo or the grand opening of the Krispy Kreme down the block. A wedding certainly doesn’t have as much prestige or as many free donuts as these other events. But I guess there are a few things that intrigued me about the fabulous world of weddings here in the Far East. 1) Every day I preview how splendidly tacky beautiful Chinese weddings can potentially be. Downtown you see wedding festivities occurring on a daily basis. Usually it just involves seeing couples engaged in ridiculous wedding photo shoots, complete with the stereotypical ponytailed photographer and the couples all dolled up and twisted into poses that should probably only be seen in Vogue. Seeing the get-up these couples are wearing is reason enough to go. There’s no way that two people wearing that many sequins are going to something boring. 2) After being woken up many mornings by the unexpected blasts of wedding fireworks erupting in my courtyard, I felt someone owed me. 3) Marriage is a huge deal in China. And of course it is in other countries too. Weddings are fun celebrations everywhere. And I thought the added dimension of cultural confusion could only make them better. But I’ve also realized there is a much heftier amount of stress placed on marriage in China than I’ve experienced in the US. Especially now that the One Child policy is in place, marrying off your one and only son or daughter is a big deal. Our generation is intent on finding the right match. Once you see a man pitching a tent in the line 7 subway car with a sign reading, “I do not want to be deprived of the right to marriage because I have no apartment,” you’ll understand.
Gettin to the good stuff, this September I found myself extremely lucky to come under the employment of one Miss “Shirley,” foreign coordinator at my Kindergarten and, most importantly, soon-to-be Mrs. Shirley. Score. After hearing this glorious news I spent the next few weeks in fevered excitement at the prospect of finally being able to attend a true Chinese wedding. And my time had come. One Wednesday afternoon I was hand-delivered an invitation to the Shirley wedding… which was Friday. Ok, a little short notice, but no matter. I was ready. I arrived at the huge Chinese hotel on Friday night with my dancing shoes on, ready to see how Chinese culture gets down. I walked in to meet Shirley right in front, wearing a massive hooped and bedazzled white wedding dress, Mr. Shirley in tow. The other foreign teachers and I took at least an entire roll of pictures with the bride and groom, and then were frantically rushed through the very very pink reception room to our seats. Surprisingly enough, we found we were placed at the same table as the bride and groom. In American weddings this is usually a place of honor, right? Reserved for family and the closest of besties. But there we were, sitting next to the maid of honor and best man while the parents were placed at a completely different table in the back. Is this a custom in Chinese weddings? No clue. But it was obvious we were considered guests of honor to good old Shirls, which was sweet of her. After sitting around for a while, taking some more pictures, watching a delightful slideshow of the couple’s photo shoots together, and listening to the same cheesey Chinese song over and over and over again, the ceremony finally began. But it wasn’t exactly a ceremony in the traditional sense of the word. I think the more accurate description would be Decathlon of Love. It was incredible. And long. In fact, it was four weddings in one:
1. The Western Ceremony. The lights dimmed and the traditional “Here Comes the Bride” song sparked up over the loudspeaker. We turned to see beautiful Shirley gliding down the aisle to her groom. They met in the middle of the room, under a massive arch of pink balloons, and Mr. Shirley bent down on one knee and proposed. Hey, better late than never. After that they walked up to the stage and had a host give a good 15 minute speech about the Shirleys neverending love for each other. You may kiss the bride. They then proceeded to pour Champagne into a large glass tower, and cheers each other with red wine (during which I cringed, imagining red wine pouring down Shirley’s beautiful white dress). The music sparked up and they strode hand in hand down the aisle, out the door, off to their honeymoon… or so I thought.
2. The Chinese Ceremony. After a nice ceremony, all the guests sat back and began to feast on the plates and plates and plates of food coming out. About an hour went by during which everyone gorged themselves on delicious Chinese food. I saw many an empty bottle of bai jiu (the Chinese equivalent of Everclear) being replaced at tables. Yes, this party was going to get good. I was anxiously anticipating the moment I would get to see these inebriated elderly Chinese break it down on the dance floor. But then the lights dimmed and the music sparked up. We turned to see Mr. Shirley walking in, with a massive red ribbon, leading Shirley down the aisle again. This time she had changed into a gorgeous red qipao and had placed a huge red bag over her head… hmm a little confused. One of my fellow teachers explained to me that in traditional China, the arranged marriage brides would dress like this. The groom would never have seen his bride until the moment he unveiled her from the red silk bag at his wedding. Mr. Shirley led Shirley blindly through the crowd, up to the stage, and then took a large stick and flipped the veil over to reveal his new bride! Then the parents came up to stage. A long succession of bows occurred and the couple was given the families’ blessings. The Shirleys then walked out again, and we began to eat again.
3. The Duet. After eating for another hour or so, the other foreign teachers and I were informed that we were to hurry to the lobby because the next part of the wedding was about to begin. Apparently, we had been cast into this wedding without knowing it — but we were happy to participate and ran to the front to meet the Shirleys. We were given tea candles to hold in each hand and instructed to walk slowly out into the darkened reception room and make a lit path for the couple. We stood on either side of a walkway and the Shirleys walked out holding hands and microphones, singing to each other a beautiful Chinese love ballad. Shirley had changed clothes and hair again and now looked like a mysterious blue Renaissance princess. They sang a few songs to each other, everyone applauded, and we walked around passing out candles to all of the tables. Of course, all of the guests took advantage of this moment to take as many pictures with us as possible. It was a dream come true. Not only was I able to go to a wedding, I was part of the wedding!
4. The Bike Ride. After the song portion of the evening, we sat back down for a little while. I had no idea how long this would go on, but I guess this is the custom with modern Chinese weddings. The small ceremonies keep occurring over and over, with the bride changing into different fabulous outfits Diana Ross-style and coming out until they decide to stop. But I think Shirley kept it appropriate with only four parts, this last time coming out to the wild applause of the guests on a massive white bicycle, driven around by Mr. Shirley. They did a few laps around the room and then the toasts began. Apparently in China the tradition is not for the couple to be toasted, but for them to toast all of their guests. They slowly walked around to each and every table, offering a glass up to their families and friends. But after that, the couple was subject to the cruel whims of these people. If they were told to drink more, they drank more. If they were told to take shots, they took shots. If they were told to smoke out of what I can only describe as a cigarette chandelier, they smoked out of the cigarette chandelier. Needless to say, by the end of the night the Shirleys had celebrated their wedding to the point of physical exhaustion. All of the guests were full after having eaten for hours. A few scattered uncles were passed out at tables. The wedding was a success. I left very very full and very very happy for finally getting to attend my dream wedding. And despite not having any dancing (no dancing?!), it definitely ranks in my top 5 of the funnest nights I’ve had in China.
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