Black Dan Hicken
Fellow Duvalians – This is a problem far greater than Corrine Brown or drugs. It is the rising tide of Steelers fans in the South.
We must rise up and kill the Steelers fans. They are the worst people in Jacksonville. They are the ones that boss your dad around and flip their collars and act like they are working class fucks. They are responsible for the show The Office and Jersey Shore.
They outnumber Jag fans. The only thing they have ever shit out worth a damn is the Alibi and that’s only because they have the Crash Test Dummies in their jukebox.
One River’s E-Fucking-Nuff
The most obnoxious people from arguably the shittiest state in the union are from Pittsburgh. I had the misfortune of going to a Super bowl party one year when those cocksuckers went to the Superbowl. They are the alphamales. They voted for Bush both times, then bought the Sarah Palin book. They have brunch and healthy relationships with women far too interesting and pretty for their empty minds and the worst part is: They will be happy no matter how much you hate them the godless universe constantly lets them thrive like maggots on dead flesh.
Drive them back to that rust fuck city. Also, if anyone saw the last lecture series of the professor who in fact died from Carnegie Mellon University, I found him arrogant. He seemed like you would get stuck talking to him at a party and he would talk about the Mets or the EU.
Checker Diplomacy
Things are looking rough all over the US. We are in complete denial if we don’t think that China is the new Russia for the US.
Actually, they are far more powerful. They trade with the US and we owe them billions. They are far more educated and, like sharks, have no natural predators.
So last week I played checkers with a doctoral professor from China and it was clear that it was more than just a game. This game was purchased at Cracker Barrell- it was the carpet type. Not since the ping pong diplomacy and the 1980 US Hockey Team against the Russians has one game meant so much. Friends, I did not disappoint. While I did not beat him by taking all of his checkers, he admitted defeat after I trapped him.
It doesn’t change much. We are still fastly losing status as a uperpower and our dollar is incredibly weak. But it does show we can still dominate the world and oppress countries that have diamonds.
I propose our schools teach Chinese, ditch Spanish and Italian, allow corporal punishment, and also teach checkers. Our country must do like Dominos reinvent itself or parish.
No comments:
Post a Comment